Tips for living with flatmates

And you would be right to do so because there are many advantages of having friends while travelling abroad. For instance:

1. Keep in mind that good friends do not always make good roommates and vice versa 

The situations can vary a lot from one person to another. Some people lived with friends and are very happy about it. Some people lived with friends that they ended up hating. Some people lived with strangers and left the apartment very quickly because it was a very bad experience. Some people lived with strangers and had a wonderful experience with them. And then, there are also various levels of feedback in between these extremes. 

On one hand, it may seem easier to live with a friend because they are not a stranger to you, and you know you can trust them. However, it is usually more complicated. Sometimes, it makes it harder to complain about certain things that might annoy you, regarding their behaviour in the house. But you still should mention this thing that bothers you; it does not mean that you are insulting the other person. It means that you want the commonplace to be a pleasant site for everyone. On the contrary, if you don’t say anything, holding the annoyment might harm your friendship.

On the other hand;  when you live with strangers, you do not need to be friends with them. Sometimes you just don’t get along with them or not as much as you would have wanted, and that’s ok. In this case, there are a couple of things you can do to enjoy the accommodation anyway. First, you should still be friendly toward each other at all times, and treat each other like you would want to be treated. Then, you can check the end of this article for more advice when you really cannot bear your flatmate.

2. Agree on some ground rules

Whether your flatmate is a friend or someone completely random, it is important to have a conversation about your living habits, in order to make your apartment a much more peaceful place. We will go deeper into some of these subjects, but, in general, you should agree on some rules: 

• Shared items
• Smoking
• House maintenance and cleaning 
• Noise curfews on weeknights and weekends
• Having people over
• Partners staying over
• etc.

3. Get to know them and create some household traditions 

As we said, your flatmate may not turn out to be your new best friend, but you are going to be around them a lot, so getting to know them might be very interesting. It may even happen that you share common interests or hobbies. In any case, doing things together informally can be very fun, and it is also a good opportunity to talk about household issues in a lighter fashion. Therefore, what can you do together? You can suggest watching a movie together in the living room; if you come from different countries or cities, you can organize dinners with specialties from your respective regions; you can go bowling or have a drink together, etc. No matter how different you are from your flatmates, spending time with them can show you aspects of their personalities you hadn’t been aware of and may appreciate. That’s an effort that is worth making, I think.

4. Set boundaries / Determine what personal items you are comfortable sharing

As flatmates, you are sharing some space, and you need to respect each other’s needs and preferences. You may consider keeping your belongings in your area, but, anyway, don’t touch their belongings unless you have permission! It seems pretty obvious, but it happens more often than we think and arise much annoyance, of course. Don’t assume they won’t mind if you use their stuff just once or just a couple of times; they probably will. So, always ask for permission! 

5. Keep an open mind

Whether you knew your flatmate or not before sharing the apartment, you need to understand that their habits may not be exactly the same as your own. In some cases, they may even be from a different country with another culture, another lifestyle, etc. This is important to respect these differences, be open to them and to communicate with one another in order to find a sort of common ground in which you can both feel satisfied with the situation. Compromising is key!

6. Become familiar with your flatmate’s schedule 

Your flatmate(s) and you may have schedules that don’t align. For example, if all of you wake up at the same time and need to have a shower, it can be difficult to handle. You will all have to talk about it and find an arrangement. Plus, the importance of knowing your flatmate’s schedule is also critical regarding sleep schedules. If you stay up until 4 a.m. and make noise or leave the light on every night while your flatmate goes to bed at 10 p.m., it is going to raise resentment for sure. 

In the same spirit, everyone needs to mutually respect the sleep of others, and it also means abandoning the snooze button at some point. Waking up two hours before you are supposed to because of the repeated alarm of your flatmate is definitely going to piss you off… so don’t abuse it either!

7. Implement a sort of cleaning agreement

When you live with other people, one of your main responsibilities is to keep the shared spaces clean and tidy – according to the standards agreed upon between you and your roommates. As a general rule, the spaces you all share – kitchen, living room, dining room, outdoor spaces and bathroom(s) – are cleaned and tidied up each time they are used by everyone. In addition, on a fairly regular basis, each area also needs to be cleaned more thoroughly and you need to agree on who does what and when. Some households prefer to set a schedule – to decide who takes out the trash or vacuums each week, for example – while others prefer to manage the cleaning as it happens. That’s another thing to discuss at your cleaning meetings! Either way, you need to make sure everyone is making efforts to keep the space clean and organized.

In addition, people may have a different perspective on hygiene and this is most evident in the bathroom. If the apartment has two bathrooms, it can be better to share your bathroom with someone that has a similar conception of hygiene. If it is not possible to live in a house that has more than one bathroom, then you should establish some rules on which everyone agrees and that you will need to follow. 

8. Track shared expenses and ensure everyone participates in the finances

Of course, some expenses are better shared, like cleaning products. It is also an economical option to decide to share expenses such as groceries, streaming services, and furniture between flatmates. Yet, it is necessary to discuss your preferences and expectations of product quality and price before deciding to split costs. 

And make sure everybody actually pays what is due. Lots of apps exist now to spill bills instantly (for example Splitwise or Venmo).

9. Wear headphones

The point here is to respect your flatmates and just let them know when you are inviting people over. You don’t need to offer an explanation or ask permission in most cases, especially if you stay in your room and not in the common area, but it’s better indeed to inform your flatmates, to avoid any awkward situation. 

Nevertheless, you may be cautious when inviting people over often because your flatmate might need some quiet time to study or whatever, and bringing a group of friends or classmates into your room may be very irritating. 

Plus, in case you want to throw a party, yes, here, you should ask them if that’s ok. Talk to your roommate about this, and make sure you don’t overstep any boundaries when inviting others over. After all, you’d want them to ask you too if they were about to do the same thing, right?

10. Warn others if you are hosting guests 

The point here is to respect your flatmates and just let them know when you are inviting people over. You don’t need to offer an explanation or ask permission in most cases, especially if you stay in your room and not in the common area, but it’s better indeed to inform your flatmates, to avoid any awkward situation. 

Nevertheless, you may be cautious when inviting people over often because your flatmate might need some quiet time to study or whatever, and bringing a group of friends or classmates into your room may be very irritating. 

Plus, in case you want to throw a party, yes, here, you should ask them if that’s ok. Talk to your roommate about this, and make sure you don’t overstep any boundaries when inviting others over. After all, you’d want them to ask you too if they were about to do the same thing, right?

11. Lock up 

Locking the doors is important for keeping you, your stuff, your flatmates and their stuff safe. 

12. Communicate

Communication is absolutely key in a shared appartment. Nothing can be accomplished if you withhold things from each other. Plus, be careful not to wait until problems become huge and piss you off to the max; solve them while they are still small. After all, your flatmate may not even be aware that there is a problem for you. And, don’t forget, communicating is also being open to hearing what your housemates have to say.

Bonus: What to do if you and your flatmate really cannot get along? 

• Get as much distance as you can.
• Figure out what really bothers you. As we mentioned before, if you don’t communicate what’s wrong, you can quickly get mad about something that could have been fixed easily. However, if your safety is endangered, you might need to act at another level and contact someone external. 
• Don’t get revenge. It’s only going to make things worse. You can’t stoop to the level of your flatmates who don’t act as they should. 
• Remember that you are flatmates. You don’t have to be friends. Just, figure out what you need to do to live peacefully with each other and, in a few months, you can go your separate ways.
• Conflict Resolution: Learning various techniques to figure out how to get along with other people, even if you don’t like them very much, is actually a really good skill to have in the workplace. It can be a great asset! Yes, there are positive aspects to everything!

To conclude, we can say that living with flatmates can definitely be challenging. But, remember that your flatmates are human beings, just like you; and people make mistakes. Try to focus on the positive points, and your experience will be much more enjoyable.

The important things are respect, honesty, and communication. And, of course, you should always have the same attitude you ask others to have.

When you’ll apply for an internship in the US thanks to Internships USA, you might want to live in a flat with others, so we hope this article was useful for you. 

If this topic interests you, check out our latest post, ‘THE strategy that you may adopt if you want to make friends abroad‘, or the section of our blog dedicated to Inspiration.